Sunday
As a parent you hope that by this age your feelings and emotions are not so unequivocally tied too your teen, but cancer makes it so. I never want to say I’m lucky, but I am lucky that Wil makes living with this diagnosis easier on me as he is strong and determined and generally good natured. For that I am thankful.
Having an older teen with cancer is horrible for all the reasons you think it would. The fear of losing him, the physical pain you have to watch him go through, knowing that he knows what a 10 on the pain scale feels like. He knows what it means to hear the words, you have cancer.
But having an older teen with cancer is also horrible for those things you don’t think about too. Wil KNOWS. He knows what cancer means, but he doesn’t have enough life experience to always sort it out in his own head. This spring it has become increasingly clear another horrible part of having an older teen with cancer is this. Wil knows which trees in our neighborhood have white buds or purple buds or pink flowers in the spring, he checks for them and makes sure I notice. What he hasn’t experienced yet is that his own life will have those same cyclical awakenings. He sees his friends doing college visits and making decisions he doesn’t yet know if that will happen for him. He sees so many things awakening for his peers but doesn’t know how that will happen or if it will him...yet. Truth is we all don’t know, so we sit patiently watching the trees bud and flower and I reassure him that these awakenings will happen for him too. This kind of knowledge comes from life experiences because I know that sometimes the trees have to bud a few times before they actually bloom.
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